int. film set – day
Alfred directs. A motley film crew mill around. On set, Rita cowers behind a closet door, hides among hanging clothes. Tiffany waits, carving knife at the ready.
ALFRED (TO TIFFANY)
Remy, she’s hiding in there, the bitch who made you wear those flowery dresses, remember, look at the old hag-
Sorry mom, it’s the part. Right Remy, think of that heel ACTION!
In dim light Tiffany as Remy stalks into a Laura Ashley bedroom. Sniffs the air. Looks around. Plunges the knife into the mattress, again and again.
She picks up a rag doll and beheads it with one slash. Hears a whimper from the closet. Approaches the door.
She scrapes the blade of the knife on the door, a shrill sound like nails on a blackboard.
Rita passes a rosary beads through her fingers. Mouths prayers silently.
Remy throws a bookcase to the ground, ornaments smash.
GOOD LORD SAVE ME NOW!
Remy slices through the door like paper. She carves it up, pokes her head almost through. A crazy smile.
She tears the door apart. Stabs and slashes for all her might. Edmund’s blood packs splatter all over. From the bundle of clothes Granny/Rita rises up, covered in wounds.
Not so fast you little cunt.
Rita grabs Remy by the hair, swings her around.
They fall to the ground, Rita swings and bites, Remy slashes and kicks.
CUT, I SAID FUCKING CUT!
The camera woman fiddles with buttons but the camera keeps rolling. Edmund rushes over to help.
Rita is on top of Remy, falls on the knife and dies dramatically.
Get her off me!
She rolls from under Rita, who falls limp among the clothes.
Mom? What the hell were you doing?
There’s no response from Rita.
Tiffany is being nursed by Edmund, she has real cuts and bruises.
Alfred falls to his knees, cradles Rita in his arms.
God mom, I knew I shouldn’t have taken you out.
Gloria runs to him as he bursts into tears, rocks back and forth.
Yes, and it’s my fault.
Suddenly Rita’s eyes open. She grabs him by the jacket.
Most fun I had in years son. She wasn’t gonna take me without a fight. You make this movie great. And you-
She addresses Gloria.
You look after my boy. If you don’t I’ll come back and haunt you till you can’t sleep a wink and those bags under your eyes won’t fit in carry on.
With that she collapses again.
The camera stops rolling.
Silence then sobs. From Tiffany.
Boss, she’s hurt, really.
Call an ambulance.
ext. hospital – day
Tiffany exits in a wheelchair. She has an arm strapped up, a band aid on her cheek.
She is greeted by a gaggle of reporters, flashing cameras and thrusting mikes.
A REPORTER pushes a recorder right up to Tiffany’s mouth.
Can you tell us exactly what happened?
OMG, I thought I was going to be killed. She came at me as though she was possessed. I know it was acting but it seemed so real, I tried to defend myself, it was horrible.
Are you aware people are saying the movie is cursed. The first one was and now it’s happening again. Care to comment on that?
I’m just glad to be alive.
Are you going to continue working on this movie?
Tiffany’s demeanour changes from victim to pretentious. She stands up from the wheelchair. As she does so a black car with darkened windows screeches to a halt.
I am a professional. This is a sacrifice I have to make for my art. I’m not afraid of anything. The Birthday Girl story will go on.
The car door swings open. Tiffany gets in and it speeds away.
int. car – day
Alfred drives, Tiffany sits in the back seat.
How did it go?
Tiffany takes the sling from her arm and stretches it. Slowly peels away the band aid to reveal a small scratch.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Alfred and Edmund look over script pages. Alfred scribbles furiously. Puts down his pen with a flourish.
The last scene.
Edmund reads the pages.
Fuck boss, how are we going to film this. That kind of set would cost/
Alfred scrawls an address on a scrap of paper.
Who said anything about a set. You bring some of those film school kids, ones you trust and meet me here, 3 AM. Ok?
Whatever you say boss.